Vessels
My body,
my body
a temporary home
Mere skin and bones
I tense with passiveness
Aware of my control
Underneath the surface I have yet to understand
My mind keeps secrets that my body yearns to know
Plunging waves and tidal bores
my stomach aches
I am more yours than mine
Would you agree?
Reality exists in another's mind
Can I be shallow and pry?
Soft whispers call attention to my movement
words I'll never comprehend
Once digestible and palatable
Strawberries and creme
Leftovers in the fridge now reside in a waste bin
My love said he'd leave me if I cut my hair
How naive of me to think that you love me,
a handrail for you to grab with an arched back
To declare my femininity,
exalt masculinity that poisoned your mind
your mind
Elements
The morning dew stuck on my pants
laid upon the grass
3 strangers,
2 blankets,
1 moon
A coyote wanders through cacti as the sun breaks the sky
Hanging on trees, balloons scattered and sprinkled
forgotten party favors
Weightless, forever floating
"Frank? Where are you Frank?"
Gone just as he's appeared
Asleep with wide eyes,
remains of facades poured on the table.
Heaviness of my eyes now lifted, remains of vision without clarity
Burdened with the idle truth of being weightless
010
With my head down I make my way to the back of the room. Regardless of the time, a mass of bodies always filling the space. On a lonely mission I’ve convinced myself I stored anger that should be released. Inhale, exhale - I send my energy forward and feel my pinky's joints collide with the leather bag. My own pain hurt me again. Bodies around me still throwing jabs and hooks, I undress my hands. The breadth of yellow fabric fall to my feet. With devotion I lay the fabric around my knuckles, my pointer and thumb hold as I pull and wrap. Layers form around my knuckles as if I'm baking a puff pastry.
-
Drops of water trickle down my face. Eyes closed, my mouth parts but not a sound made. Meanwhile voices louder than my own, taking up space I timidly share. Water falls into my eyes, salt contents convinced me I've cried. The heat rises and cumulonimbus steam clouds grow heavy so I let my towel slip down to my waist. My chest softens towards my spine and my spine to the ceramic wall and my head starts to empty. With every breath I lose more of my body. Inhale, exhale - farewell skin. Inhale, exhale - goodbye muscles. Inhale, exhale - sending away cartilage and tendons. I am free. Becoming one with the clouds, my mind swirls and clings to the ceiling. I'll evaporate soon. A woman chanting vowels in harmonies sees right through where my body should be.
Homage
Black and white tiles induce me,
in a state of trance
An organism pulses and grows,
smoke bellows as I grip what separates me and -
Could it be?
My body seizes
as my mind takes every path
leading to a stranger that is never you
Allure me to a walking sleep
Pleasure and pain,
love and hate,
What separates me and you
Could it be?
One in the same
implicit unity,
explicit duality
good, bad & the truth
The world inside the gas and flames feels tender and warm. I position myself in front of the fire, too close and slightly uncomfortable feels just right. My body always feels slightly under temperature of 98.6, though I've been told otherwise. Maybe that's the reason I feel drawn to the flames. The discomfort and I get along well.
My eyes dry as I inch closer to the heat. Extremities remind me I'm alive. I do prefer the heat over the cold, as its frigidness limits one to enclosed layers. In the heat you can lie naked and free. It was written in the stars as I was born,
"A fire sign who chases freedom”
Can you chase freedom or just protect it?
Chasing implies whatever you're running towards is moving away from you.
I want my freedom to long for me, want me as I desire it.
-
I began to contrive fallacies in my mind about you. Hindsight guided me to misplaced longingsvthat disappeared the first time I went back to you, when it should've been the last. Missed play dates with bullies from the school bus, never knowing the games and anticipating the surprise. New actions but left with the familiar feelings.... I depended on the uncertainty.
Children sit and splash around while I drown in the shallow end. Nobody could hear my cries and as I swallowed chlorinated water that shot up my nose and burned my brain. There you were, standing above me safe on the concrete pool deck, watching me distorted and dissipating. All the while last pool float was bobbing right beside me.
-
Love doesn't mean to me what it matters to you. If you hear the word enough you start to believe it. Five years of cyclical hair pain structured plots, unlearning and unlearning this misconstrued word that held more weight than you could bare. Love does not equate honesty nor does it propel forthright intentions of minds of men (not all men, I hold hope).
What I know to be true - not good, not bad, but true. Ultimate subjectives circling an objective first layer being the crust of this outer world. Depth eradicates impartial truths and once exposed it becomes difficult to see otherwise.
Are we not as much our worst as our best?
Nobody knows you at your best, your worst is reserved for select moments of truth. I am at the will of my belief that what you're capable of doing at your worst is truth.
Everything is nothing,
nothing is everything.